Fancy That Foreigner
by Brandon Payne
Summary: American student, Ryder Saxon, attends the former all-girls now co-ed school, Osai Academy. Sexual innuendos abound.


The morning is sunny as the students are entering the former all girl high school. Inside, the Student Council holds its daily meeting. It is made up of four members.

The President, Amakusa Shino, a long-haired no-nonsense beauty with a sexually charged imagination that is at odds with her demeanor.

The Secretary, Shichijo Aria, also a long-haired beauty who unlike Shino, has chestnut brown hair, larger breasts, and is high society with a vacant attitude. Like Shino, however, she too has a sexually charge imagination that is at odds with her demeanor.

The Treasurer, Hagimura Suzu, a genius with long surprisingly blond hair held in pigtails at her nape. Unlike the other girls, she is sensible-minded and has the appearance of a ten-year-old, even though she is seventeen.

And the Vice-President, Tsuda Takatoshi, who is also sensible-minded and the only boy on the Student Council.

"An American student will be coming here today," Shino said. "He is seventeen years old and from Seattle, Washington. His name is Ryder Saxon."

"Oh my, he sounds like a pervert!" Aria exclaimed in her airy manner with a concerned look as she presses her hands to her cheeks.

"A pervert?" Takatoshi asked with a quizzical look.

"Ride her sex on." As the blurred image of a stick man having sex with a stick woman comes to her mind.

"You're the pervert," Takatoshi said snidely.

Later, the American student in question is standing before the Student Council. He is Caucasian with pale skin, pale blond wavy hair that is brushed back, and bright blue eyes. He is tall, taller than even Takatoshi by a forehead. With his strong angular features, he is easy on the eyes. As is obvious by the warm smiles of the girls, with Shino and Suzu's eyes like solid dots and Aria's eyes closed.

"Prez," Takatoshi whispered to her. "Introductions please?"

Shino snaps out her mooning and clears her throat.

"I understand that you know Japanese," she asked.

"Not as well as I would like," Ryder answered carefully. His voice is deep yet boyish.

"Welcome to our school, Ryder Saxon-kun," Shino next said with a slight bow and then proceeds to introduce herself and the others.

Ryder stares down at Suzu for a moment in contemplation.

"You're older than you appear," he finally said to her, "because you have that mature look in your eyes. Something little girls don't have."

"That's right," Suzu answered proudly with closed eyes and arms akimbo. "I am a seventeen-year-old returnee from America with an IQ of 180. I can speak fluent English and can easily do ten digit calculations in my head. What do you have to say now?"

"Then maybe you can help me with my Japanese," Ryder answered with a smile and closed eyes. "Did you ever stay in Seattle?"

"No, I was staying in Astoria, Oregon."

"Ass tore-?" Aria began in her airy manner while gazing upward and touching her lower lip with her forefinger in dirty thought.

"Get your mind out of the gutter!" Suzu snapped at her with an angry expression of serrated teeth and solid white eyes.

"Well, moving on," Ryder then said. "What's with your blond hair? That doesn't look like a bleach job."

"I get it from my mother," Suzu answered as she fingers a strand. "Her great grandfather was German. Anyway, you sure are big. And I thought that Tsuda-kun was big."

That is when Ryder gags with shock as his eyes go solid white, while Takatoshi sneers with his irises and pupils being tiny. It's because Shino and Aria are squatting down to stare at Ryder's crotch with intense expressions.

"She's right!" Shino gasped.

"He's no exception to the rule about White males!" Aria gasped.

"But Black males are said to be even bigger!" Shino gasped more intently while looking to Aria.

"Better you get use to this, Ryder-san," Takatoshi said with a pained tone and expression of closed eyes and frowning mouth.

"There is something else, Saxon-san," Shino next asked as she stands. "How would you react to me teaching you something?" Being somewhat forceful with that question.

"I don't understand," Ryder answered with a sweat drop.

"How would you react if I were to teach you something," Aria then said in a soft breathy musical tone as the air shimmers with a soft light around her.

"Oh well I suppose that would be okay," he answered in a relieved tone.

"Ah ha, you're a sadist," Shino announced with an intense look while pointing ardently at Ryder.

"Wha-What?" Ryder sneered with multiple sweat drops.

That is when Shino picks up a coiled up rope.

"Uh Amakusa-senpai?" Takatoshi asked uneasily with a close-eyed frown and a sweat drop. "Where did you get that rope?"

"Aria, catch," Shino said as she tosses it to her.

Aria catches it and ends up fumbling it. The rope suddenly comes unfurled as she falls with a crash while squealing. She is now tangled up in the rope with a close-eyed frown.

Takatoshi is staring down at her with a close-eyed frown and multiple sweat drops, while Ryder is staring down at her with a casual expression.

"See, this proves that you are a sadist, Saxon-kun," Shino announced.

The boys look at Shino, this time with Ryder mirroring Takatoshi's expression. Ryder doesn't want to admit that seeing Aria like this does kinda turns him on.

Ryder is now in his home room introducing himself. His name is printed on the chalkboard behind him, both in English and Kanji. The home room teacher standing alongside him is Yokoshima Naruko. She is beautiful with short hair, and is a pervert as she is quick to demonstrate by giving Ryder a come hither look while licking her lips, causing him to sneer at her with widened eyes and small pupils and irises.

"If you stay after class, I can teach you extra lessons," she crooned in a sultry tone while hooking one arm around his neck and touching his chest with her other hand, causing Ryder's eyes to go even wide with alarm as his pupils and irises shrink even smaller. "Yes, very good lessons." As she starts tracing haphazard patterns on his chest with her forefinger. "I can teach you this and that. Teach you how to please a woman. Teach you the pleasures of the flesh." Hissing those last four words into his ear, making his eyes go solid white.

"Oh, take me, Ryder-sama!" Naruko suddenly cried out as she wraps both arms around him and starts rubbing against him. Ryder is sneering with shock as his pupils and irises are now small blue dots in a sea of white. "Take me now, you beautiful boy! Let's ditch class and go to that empty classroom and make the desks rattle! Or on top of the piano in the music room!"

She suddenly squeals in a childlike tone with an expression that involves her pupils and irises as solid shiny dots in a sea of whiteness.

"I'm gonna be bowlegged if that's what I think that is!"

". . . And the rest of the class had to help me pry her off," Ryder finished recounting with a pained tone and expression to match of closed eyes and a wavy mouth as Takatoshi is sitting near him with a pained open-mouthed smile and closed eyes. They are sitting at a table with the other Student Council members, along with Kotomi, Takatoshi's little sister. Her long hair is set in high pigtails.

"Oh she hit on me too," Takatoshi answered as he looks forward.

"It's amazing that she's allowed to continue teaching here."

"How have the rest of your experiences here been so far?" Takatoshi asked.

"Everywhere I went," Ryder begins with a weary expression as his eyes become blue dots with a heavy brow, "girls giggled and whispered about me."

[Ryder walked down a hallway with an uneasy look as he passed groups of girls who smiled and giggled as they whispered to each other while they stared at him.]

"My note locker was crammed full of love notes."

[Ryder opened his note locker and hundreds of envelopes came tumbling out into pile at his feet.]

"But the worst was when I felt like I was being followed and kept hearing clicking sounds."

[Ryder walked along oblivious to the presence of Hata Ranko, the monotone-voiced head of the school's newspaper club, peaking out from behind corners and snapping pictures of him, at times going so far as to snap pictures from hiding places such as the ceiling and garbage bins. Whenever he turned around, she quickly hid.]

"I turned out to be right about being stalked."

[Ryder was on the toilet when what looked like a streak of red ink ran down the door, causing him to look up and see the source being from a ventilation grate. Ranko hid in that ventilation shaft with her camera. Even though she maintains her poker face expression, her eyes shimmered intensely as blood dribbled from her nostrils.]

"I think that I may have to have a little talk with Hata-san," Takatoshi said irritably under his breath while looking forward with a closed eyed frown and a cross mark appearing at the corner of his forehead.

"But you must have had a hard time trying to find a large uniform, Ryder-san" Kotomi said.

"Yeah, this is a double X large. The trousers had to be longer for my legs."

Kotomi nods in agreement with a hum. "And so you can have room for your other long leg too," she announced while giving him a thumbs up.

"We didn't have to hear that!" Takatoshi growled at her in frustration.

That is when another girl walks up to the group. She has bleached hair cut into a bang and sidelocks to frame her face, but kept long in the back in braided pigtails at her nape. She is Igarashi Kaede, the head of the Disciplinary Committee, and is fearful of males as she glares at the boys, especially Ryder.

_Ugh, foreign males are even worse_. She thought irritably.

"Hello, Igarashi-san," Shino said. "I take it you were briefed about Ryder Saxon."

"I know all about him," Kaede waves peevishly. "I'm just here to tell you about some business."

Takatoshi tells Ryder who she is.

"Igarashi-san is afraid of guys," he further added.

"For real?" Ryder mused, who then gets up and walks around the table toward Kaede. She immediately reacts with a squeak as she shivers with a wavy mouth and swirling eyes while holding an arm up to ward him away.

"You're the only girl in this school so far who has the opposite reaction to me. How do you even manage in a world where roughly half the people are male? Do you have any brothers? What about your father?"

But Kaede refuses to answer as she continues to glare back at him while sweating.

"At least you're not fawning all over me," Ryder sighed.

Todoroki Nene walks up to them. She is the President of the Robotics Club and Suzu's close friend.

"Ah, Ryder Saxon-san, I've been looking for you."

"I doubt your husband would like the sound of that, Nene-chan," Suzu said dryly with her eyes as black dots to denote sarcasm along with a large sweat drop.

"Oh no, it's nothing like that, Suzu-chan," she answers with a closed eyed smile while touching her own face. "It's just for measurements." Holding up a measuring tape, then opens her eyes with a concerned look. "Oh, but I can't take your measurements here, Saxon-san. We have to go somewhere private for that."

"Why?" Ryder asked suspiciously.

"I want to get the measurements right for my next toy," Nene answered with that carefree close-eyed smile as a vibration is heard coming from below her waist, and not from either pocket.

"Are the females in this school really that frustrated?" Ryder asked Takatoshi hoarsely with a tired expression and a large sweat drop.

"Like I said, Ryder-san," Takatoshi answered while mirroring Ryder's reaction. "Better you get used to this."

Ryder is now sitting at the table in the Student Council Room for one of Ranko's interviews.

"This is your famous news reporter, Hata Ranko, with the very handsome American student, Ryder Saxon," she said in her ever humorously deadpan manner while breaking the fourth wall.

In a flash, she sits in a chair across the table from Ryder and holds her microphone out toward him.

"You have become extremely popular, Saxon-kun. Even more so than Tsuda-kun. Have you ever thought of having a girlfriend?"

"That would be extremely complicated," he answered with a close-eyed smile of unease with brows angled upward.

"Possibly gay," Ranko scribbles in her notebook.

"No, I'm not gay!" Ryder snaps drearily with a furrowed brow and solid white eyes. He calms with a sigh. "Look. I'm only here for the semester. I have no intentions of ever living here. The possibility of a relationship would be just too painful."

"Ah, I understand now," Ranko said. "Our vaginas are too narrow." Scribbling that part.

Ryder hangs his head down in frustration as a little dark cloud forms over his head.

"I feel your pain," Takatoshi said in a humorously empathetic tone with a close eyed frown.

From alongside him, both Shino and Aria gasp and pose in shock.

"That's not what I meant!" Takatoshi snapped back with that white eyed angry expression.

It's now evening and school is out as the Student Council are walking with their satchels in hand, accompanied by Ryder, who huffs with a close-eyed frown.

"What a day," Ryder groaned. "I never thought I'd become this popular."

"It's going to be a long year for you, Ryder-san," Takatoshi answered with a closed eyed smile of empathy.

That is when Shino kneels down to pick something up. A condom still in its package.

"Some boy dropped a condom," she said as she turns it over.

"What makes you think some girl didn't drop it?" Takatoshi said dryly with a leer as his brows are heavy and eyes are solid black dots.

Ryder takes a closer look at it.

"Kinda small," he said offhandedly.

The four stare at him. Takatoshi has a close-eyed frown and a large sweat drop. Shino and Aria both have alert looks, while Suzu is giving him a dreary frown with solid dots for eyes.

Ryder stares back with a close-eyed open-mouth smile of unease and a sweat drop.

"I've been meaning to ask," Aria interjects with a serious look.

"Uh oh, here it comes," Takatoshi said with a lazy frown of a leer with solid black dots for irises and a heavy brow.

"Why do foreign males have larger genitals?"

Ryder leers back at her with an intent look and blinks a couple of times.

"Damned if I know," he finally answered.

"And does that mean foreign women have wider vaginas and larger clitorises?" Shino adds.

"And what makes you think I know any of this?" Ryder sighed with a close-eyed frown and more sweat drops.

"What do you say, Suzu-chan?" Shino asked.

"Damned if I know either," she snapped back sarcastically with that classical angry look, but with her pigtails sticking straight out.

"Maybe they have higher sex drives?" Aria proclaimed with hushed intensity.

"But what about Ryder-kun!" Shino countered with a matched hushed intensity. "He doesn't seem to have much of a sex drive! And what about the gropers on trains!"

"The biggest mystery is how you two can have such perverted imaginations," Takatoshi snapped at them with a sense of restrained fury as they continue walking.


End file.
